You Might Be A Liberal If...

I found this a long time ago and have subsequently lost the source, but thought it would be a good post for the middle of the week. I am sure there are numerous lists like it. Feel free to add on in the comments! I'll add them to the list. (Lots more here)

They are such hypocrites!

You Might Be A Liberal If...

1. The thought of a tree being cut down horrifies you more than a partial birth abortion.
2. You have a "No Blood For Oil" sticker on your car.
3. You actually do find Katie Couric "perky."
4. Anti-Communists worry you more than actual Communists.
5. You compare Bush to Hitler but think Uncle Fidel is "misunderstood."
6. You worry about the homeless but not enough to house them with money taken from National Public Radio subsidies.
7. You oppose school choice but send your kids to private schools.
8. You think a mother should have the right to choose to kill her child but not which school that child attends.
9. You loathe tobacco companies but want marijuana legalized.
10. Your girlfriend's arm pits are hairier than yours.
11. You didn't speak out against violence in cinema until "The Passion Of The Christ" was released. Which you never saw. But still oppose the violence in it. And you loved "Kill Bill."
12. Bad news from Iraq makes your day. You know who you are.
13. You have a "nuanced" position of the difference between censorship and political correctness.
14. You decry "blood for oil" but oppose drilling in Alaska... and drive.
15. You constantly criticize America for stealing land from the Indians but are okay that ANWR was taken from Indians who, by the way, want drilling for the revenue.
16. You think too many criminals are in jail but can afford an alarm system.
17. You oppose executing the guilty in the gas chamber but favor killing the innocent in the womb.
18. You think television promotes the violence that kills tens of thousands but not the sexual promiscuity that kills hundred of thousands.
19. In the liberal sea of NPR, CBS, ABC, CNN, MSNBC, NBS, and PBS you have an issue with FOX.
20. You have a "Pro-Choice" and "PETA" bumper sticker.
21. You think "Mean People Suck" is taking some kind of stand.
22. You want condoms in schools but not Bibles or abstinence education.
23. You don't think those people in the Middle East are ready for freedom and democracy.
24. You think exit polls are somehow more accurate than actual vote counts.
25. You secretly hate black conservatives more than white ones.
26. You have different standards on how broadly to interpret the 1st and 2nd ammendments.
27. You think felons should be allowed to vote but not veterans who's absentee was a little late due to the war and all...
28. You find 200+ veterans less credible than a man who did not spend Christmas in Cambodia and who wrote the disputed after-action reports that won him the medals he did and then didn't throw away.
29. You complain about the price of prescription drugs and health care but oppose tort reform.
30. You believe "Fahrenheit 9/11" was more historically accurate than "The Passion Of The Christ."
31. You lose more sleep over Billy Graham than Osama Bin Laden.
32. You've convinced yourself that a non-existent right to abortion in a non-existent right to privacy is somewhere in the Constitution but the right to bear arms is not.
33. You've convinced yourself that a non-existent separation of church and state is in the Constitution but the right to bear arms is not.
34. You called the Contras a "death squad" and Zarqawi an "insurgent."
35. You decry racism but sympathize with the PLO.
36. You are doing well enough to benefit from a 401K but wish to deny that option to poorer workers forced to contribute 6% of their income into Social Security.
37. You called the boycott to take the Reagan miniseries off the air "censorship," but the boycott to take Dr. Laura off the air "freedom of speech."
38. You found Trent Lott's speech saluting Strom Thurmond "racist and revealing." But former KKK Robert Byrd's use of the "N" word on television a few years ago just wasn't a big deal.
39. You believed Clarence Thomas' sole accuser but didn't believe Paula Jones, Junaita Broderick, Monica Lewinsky, Gennifer Flowers, Kathryn Willey, Sally Perdue...
40. You think there's something hinky about Bush's 110,000 vote margin in Ohio, but not that 129 vote margin in Washington State. Where 129 felons voted. Where votes were found by Democrats during recounts. Where thousands more voted than were registered...
41. Whether it's hot, cold, or normal; it's gotta be global warming.
42. In Afghanistan you prefer the Taliban to Democracy and poppy fields.
43. You celebrate female empowerment as long as it isn't Bush making it possible.
44. You celebrate the spread of human rights as long as it isn't Bush doing the spreading.
45. You're outraged by the stacking and dog collaring of naked men at Abu Ghraib but said nothing about the Clinton policy of shipping suspects off to be be tortured.
46. You want Enron executives jailed but wonder what the big deal is over at the UN.
47. You're outraged by the brutalization of women and children. Except when Saddam did it.
48. You believe Bush should take responsibility for everything because he's in charge. On the other hand Kofi...
49. You believe Bush lied when he said Iraq had WMD, but not Clinton, Kerry, Teddy, the French, Germans, Russians, the UN...
50. You think Clinton's garnering of 43% and then 49% of the vote was a mandate, but not Bush's 51%.

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