Need A Classy Insult?

My grandfather sent this via e-mail:

When Insults Had Class

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
- Abraham Lincoln

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... If you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in reply

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
- Winston Churchill (about Clement Atlee)

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson

"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde

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